<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d2696529738909427908\x26blogName\x3djian\x27s+blog\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://liverpool1991.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://liverpool1991.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d797486292704804193', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>


Profile

Jian Hui.


Likes

Soccer
Bowling
any sports, just name it
mahjong

Idols

Lifetime supporter: Michael Owen
Liverpool: Steven Gerrard
Tennis: Nadal


This may not truly reflect my actual thoughts and feelings at time of writing


Past


May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
October 2007
January 2008
March 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
October 2010
December 2010
February 2011
April 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
August 2013
September 2013
April 2014
December 2017
April 2018
February 2019
July 2019
September 2019
November 2019


Family - always there when u need them

The reason why i am still able to post here is because, in times of difficulty, my family is there for me. My mum, dad, bro and wife i love u all:)

When driven to a corner, with nowhere to go, your family is what you need.  Just remember you are never alone. I love my wife and family for the kind gestures in times of need. I am deeply grateful and thankful for this. I will repay you guys in the near future.

Found a new lease of life and i will strive on this new path. A second chance in life does not come easy.

Thanks!


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 9:57 PM
Friday, February 22, 2019
__________________________________________________________________




Tired

Im tired of following up lies after lies. Once you start a lie, it takes 100 other lies to cover up the 1st lie. The day has come to stop all these.

A peaceful night of sleep is all i crave for right now. No lies, no calls, no debts, no messages. Just peace.


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 4:41 PM

__________________________________________________________________




Last words

I ruined everything. All our future all our dreams. I deeply regret but its too late. Chances were given but i did not take them. I really didnt mean for this to happen. Sorry. Doesnt matter how many sorry i say.. its not enough. Sorry mum and dad for letting u raise a useless child. This life, i failed to make you both proud.

 Bb im sorry for all this. Marrying you was perhaps 1 of my life's brightest moment. But your misfortune for getting a useless guy as your husband. Gambling was the bane of my life and i wasnt able to get rid of it. I lost so much until i was not able to quit as there was no way i could pay my outstanding based on salary. And low n behold, i fell deeper. I really love u for who u r and i deeply regret gambling at the start.. im at my wits end now and there is no turning back. 来世再见. 

Im too ashamed to face the world already.
This life i failed you all terribly. Next life i still hope to be your son. I love u all. Sorry.

Mum and dad and lil bro, im sorry for letting u guys down so much. I wanted all of us to have a better life and it worked out at the start. However, things got worse and i gambled way too much. To the point that i wanna quit but cant becoz that was the only way i could clear my huge debts. I didnt want u all to know how useless i am. Every night i dont have any peaceful night sleep because of this. 

To my friends who lend me money to tide through a difficult period, im really grateful for the trust u had in me. I misused the trust for my own selfishness. In the end, it still didnt pay off and i only got myself to blame. This life i owe u guys. Next, i will return. Just thankful i have u guys as friends and i will not forget. I only thought for myself and it really is a selfish act. I do not seek your forgiveness for i do not deserve it. Sorry for your monetary loss and your trust in me. I have reached the end of the road but u guys continue walking and strive. Sorry once again.

Goodbye world. My selfish acts have left me no choice but to end this. There is no turning back. I do not wish to be a burden to my family and wife. I deserve the state i am in right now. I had chances to amend it but i did not take. The one i am most sorry to is my wife. She scolded and warned me many times and i always brushed it aside. She should be the most disappointed. At least now, she has one less burden to worry about. Find a new one and lead a happier life bb.. mum and dad and lil bro, i really enjoyed the times we spend tgt and i really love to bring u all on a trip overseas together. It has been a long time. Not only did i fail to achieve it, i have become a burden to u guys even at such an old age u cannot enjoy life. Im really sorry for u raise a useless child. Life has come to an end for me but u guys stay strong alright. Live life happily. To be able to sleep peacefully at night is already a hidden blessing. Dont have to be rich to enjoy life.



You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 4:09 PM

__________________________________________________________________




I miss you

As i go through our memories together, i really feel more and more sorry. Pictures of you smiling happily evoke more sadness into my heart. I really hope you enjoyed the times spent together with me, for i can accompany you till here.

1 mistake in life is enough to ruin everything. Sorry BB! You were so forgiving, trustworthy and everything i could ask for in a wife. U think of me in everything u do but i cant say the same for myself. It makes me sad. The time has come for me to go. It is a cowardly act and one that i feel i must do to at least stop being a burden anymore.

Im sorry for throwing u behind. It issnt something that i want to but its the least i can do to stop cheating you. I dont know what else to say but i dont seek your forgiveness as even me myself cant forgive myself. Live well! I love you.


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 4:02 PM

__________________________________________________________________




A life full of lies

If there is 1 word to describe my life, LIES.
I lived my life by this word. Nobody knew of my enormous debts, not my parents, my wife knows 20% maybe, not my close friends and not even my close collegues. I earned a above average annual salary, comfortable enough to live life happily but i was not satisfied. Greed, gamble, lies, cheat and steal all sunk in.

It all started small, from taking out a small loan to bigger n bigger debts to the point of no return. From being unable to service the monthly loan, it became desperate to cash advance, licensed money lender and borrowing from friends.

My family aint rich but we led a happy life. It was me who ruined everything. Less gambling, i believe i am an almost perfect man. Gambling ruined everything to the point of no return. Sorry family!


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 3:35 PM

__________________________________________________________________




Why drag?

I should have been gone before cny but it was a happy occasion for many. Why still think of others when i cant even help myself. Maybe its becoz i dont have the guts. Even till the end of the road, i still am selfish and think only for myself. If there is a next life, please let me be a considerate person and think for others. 

If u ask me, how does it feel when u know your life has reached the end.. i can pen my feelings as of now. Helpless, regrets, confused, lost, sad and the worst of it, the feeling of letting down to kin to me. 

Im sorry to my parents for wasting 28 years of their lives raising me, the efforts and time spent grooming be to be someone useful. I failed terribly. Unfilial, selfish, unthoughtful, greedy, lazy and many more terms i can associate with myself. Thanks for letting me lead a happy and peaceful life. U all gave your best but i screwed up.

Im sorry to my wife for wasting 4years of her life knowing someone who didnt help her much or improve her life. Being a burden and dragging her down with me. It wasnt my intention BB. Thanks for trying to guide my back to the right path but my ego and greed was too much for even myself to handle. I always thought i can do it but in fact, i was living in denial. 

Im sorry to my little bro for leaving u alone to take care of mum and dad. U are at least a sensible boy unlike me. Take good care of yourself and mum and dad.

Im sorry to all my friends especially those who lend a helping hand when i asked for it. Im sorry for your monetary loss but i really deeply appreciate the help. This life i cant return u guys so sorry.  I broke the trust we had because i was at my wits end, lost and confused. I shouldnt have. Thanks and goodbye.

To my close bros, i did not dare ask for the matter of fact i still have some paiseh-ness within me. At least the little face i have within me before i depart. Thanks for the memories. 


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 3:16 PM

__________________________________________________________________




19 oct 1991 to 22 feb 2019

Its all too late.. 后悔莫及何必当初。life is a gamble. Ya it really is and i failed life terribly. Letting down myself wasnt an issue, but the people i let down so close to me i feel bad, really bad. All the trust they had in me, gone just like that.

As 1 friend said, i am a compulsive liar. He issnt wrong a bit at all. Till the end, i did not change. Im sorry bro for the trust u had in me. U were right.

Running away probably issnt the best idea but its the only solution i have. At least let me grow some last guts to perish this useless human being from this earth. I have lost alot of trust and friends with the decisions i made in my last few moments of life. I should not have done what i did.

Last words of advice for whoever who reads this: do not gamble or you will end up gambling your life away like me.

Live life happily and be glad every night u can sleep peacefully in your bed. It really is a blessing, something i have not experienced for the past few years.

Ciaos.


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 2:43 PM

__________________________________________________________________




Many wrong steps in life

In life, you have many chances to right a wrong. I did not take the chances and continued on the wrong path. Now at my wits end, drowned with all the debts i have, it is time that i end this misery.

1 wrong step from the beginning got me hooked onto gambling and life has been downhill since. Getting married was one of the brightest moment of my life, but gambling ruined it all. I do not have the face to face anyone, not this life. I am sorry to however i let down, to whoever who actually feels sad that i left.

Im sorry dad and mum and little bro, times spent aint long and i still was looking forward to bring u all on a overseas trip together. Im sorry that i failed to achieve this simple task. There is no turning back for i have sunk too deep. Sorry everyone!

Mum and dad i tried to give u guys a better life but i failed again and again. Im sorry. I am not a filial son this lifetime but i hope to be your son again next life.

I had to do it to recover what i lost. My wife beared with my bad habits throughout hoping i had turn over a new leaf. But i tried..really tried. I gambled as that was the only way to clear the debts. If given a chance, i wouldn't have touched gambling back then.

For the past few years, there was no 1 night that i slept peacefully.  Yes i always sleep late, but its not because i dont want to. But my mind is too preoccupied. Sayonara.. till we meet again


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 12:35 AM

__________________________________________________________________




What could have been

Regrets....
Throwback....
Remorse....

If only i could turn back time....mistakes lead to regrets....its too late


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 12:34 AM

__________________________________________________________________




Please make 2018 be my best year ever!

All these years, I have been under too much comfort and shelter that i take it for granted. Regrets, mistakes fill my heart to the point of no return. If there is a chance to reset, I really wish I could turn back time a little and learn from these stupid steps I took.

2018. The year of turning back. At least to the point where I make my mistake. Please 2018 be good to me. I know I may have trodded on the wrong path but bring me back alright.


You'll Never Walk Alone~* Wise up and buck up!! the future is yours to create..* 12:34 AM

__________________________________________________________________